This is an amateur, non-commercial story, which is not produced, approved of, or in any way sponsored by the holders of the trademarks/copyrights from which this work is derived, nor is it intended to infringe on the rights of these holders. And so it goes.


A Neon Genesis: Evangelion/, I'm not telllin' tale
by Jeff Morris


It was quite possibly the darkest hour in a string of dark hours for NERV. Deep within the Geofront, Major Katsuragi and her personnel watched helplessly as Rei Ayanami fought a hopeless battle against the 16th angel, Armisael. Impaled, infected and slowly losing ground, EVA-00 nonetheless continued its struggle against the unearthly creature. Although the very act of touching the beast meant further contamination, the EVA unit grasped the beast firmly and pumped round after round into it in the vain hope of overcoming the impossible odds.

“Can’t we do something?” Misato Katsuragi screamed to the world.

“Negative! EVA-02 is non-operational, and EVA-01 is frozen under orders!” Ritsuko Akagi leaned over her staff and peered at the computer readouts, hoping that some sort of miracle might be found there. “We’re losing the EVA unit and pilot!”

Above the chaos, Gendo Ikari sat, watched, and waited.

“Eject the entry plug!” Katsuragi ordered, her voice reaching new levels of hysteria.

“Negative! Commands can’t get through!”



* * * * *


Despite the chaos going on around her, Rei Ayanami was at peace. Despite the contamination that was spreading all over her body, the EVA pilot looked around calmly and considered her options, then punched up the self-destruct controls. She did not scream, did not weep at this awful fate, merely wrapped her fingers around the switch that would end her life in seconds.

She paused as a sudden roar of energy slammed into the Angel, heralded by an odd noise. In her debriefing later, she commented that it sounded much like “SU-WATCH”. The result, however, could not be denied. Armisael suddenly withdrew from both pilot and EVA unit and started to retreat.

A huge humanoid figure, dressed in silver and crimson tones and towering over Tokyo-3, stood directly in the Angel’s path. It was almost as though it was daring Armisael to attack.

The Angel hesitated.

The silver-and-red stranger motioned for it to come get some.


* * * * *


Misato Katsuragi stared at the main screen, her jaw still hanging wide open. No one noticed; everyone (save one) was in the same state. “What…?”

Akagi tore her own gaze away and studied the monitors. “I don’t believe this!” she yelled. “The bio-contamination is gone! Pilot and EVA are back within normal operating parameters!”

“Holy shit!” breathed Hyuuga Makoto, not even bothering to look away from the main show.

“Who the hell IS THAT?” Katsuragi screamed.


And from his aerie, Gendo Ikari continued to watch impassively, but one word slipped past his lips.



* * * * *


No one who watched the battle that day had ever seen anything quite like it. Armisael leaped forward to attack, seeking to pierce the towering hero as it had done with the EVA unit. The silver stranger crossed his hands, and with another mighty “SU-WATCH” sent a specium beam directly in the Angel’s path. The collision of energies momentarily blinded the NERV crew.

When their vision returned, they were treated to an impromptu game of “crack the whip” as their savior grasped one end of the Angel and with a mighty flick of its wrist sent the abomination flying.

“Unbelievable,” Akagi breathed. “He’s in direct contact with the Angel, just like EVA-00, yet there’s no indication of contamination!”

“Who the hell IS THAT?” Katsuragi repeated, awed.

“Hey, what’s that light on his chest?” Makoto asked. “It’s blinking…”

As if in response, the magnificent being started to whirl Armisael around above his head, going faster and faster with every revolution. Then he let go of the Angel, which went screaming through the atmosphere into deep space; in fact, it didn’t slow down until it was about halfway to Saturn.

NERV broke into spontaneous applause.

Their mysterious savior turned toward them and saluted, then looked up to the heavens and soared away, vanishing within heartbeats. Katsuragi stood there transfixed for the longest time, then with a shake of her head snapped her attention back to the matter at hand.

“Get EVA-00 down here stat,” she ordered. “I want pilot and EVA under full quarantine pending examination. I want a connection with the UN team to see if we can track that Angel. And most of all, I want to know who the HELL that was!”

“Major! The Magi are going nuts!” Maya Ibuki’s voice was an odd mixture of shock and horror. Akagi was beside the console in a heartbeat.

“What’s going on?” she demanded. “What did you do?”

“Nothing, I swear!” the young woman said. Her fingers flew across her keyboard. “I merely fed the data we’d obtained from that creature into the Magi, and…and…” She shrugged helplessly. “Well…the three computers are…”

“Are what?” Katsuragi demanded.

In reply Ibuki hit a sequence of keys, and suddenly NERV was assaulted by three voices singing in unison:


Ultraman, Ultraman
Here he comes from the sky.
Ultraman, Ultraman,
Watch our hero fly.
In a super jet he comes
From a billion miles away
From a distant planet land
Comes our hero Ultraman!


* * * * *


Far above the madness, Gendo Ikari sat in his chair and said nothing. Privately, though, he resolved to check the Dead Sea Scrolls to determine if anything had been mentioned about buttinski aliens from Nebula M78.


* * * * *


“Dear? I’m back!” Fuji set the shopping bags down and slipped out of her shoes. “I’m sorry I took so long, but it was a terrific sale and it seemed like everyone was there. You know how it is.”

Her husband was in the living room, stretched out on the recliner. “Hayata?” she asked as she leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Are you all right?”

“Oh yes,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I just overdid it a bit today, that’s all.”

“Really?” Fuji folded her arms over her chest and regarded him critically. “And just what were you doing that qualifies as ‘overdoing’?”

“Not much, not much. Cleaned up the house, went out to tend to the rose garden, that sort of thing.” Hayata grunted and shifted around to get more comfortable. “One of those damned Angel things was sighted.”

“Yes, I heard.” The warmth in Fuji’s voice suddenly dropped about forty degrees. “And it was beating the crap out of the EVA unit sent out to stop it. I heard it on the radio.”

“It sounded very bad,” Hayata noted.

“And when all seemed lost,” Fuji continued, “from out of nowhere this silver and red giant appears and proceeds to beat the daylights out of the Angel! My goodness, where have I heard THAT story before?” She sighed and shook her head. “Hayata, you promised me you wouldn’t do that any more! You are not a young man!”

“That EVA was going to stomp on my rose garden, just like before,” Hayata grumbled.

“That EVA was nowhere near your rose garden!” Fuji declared. “Why don’t you just admit the truth—you wanted to show off for the pretty girl pilots? Demonstrate how powerful Ultraman was…”

“Is,” Hayata corrected.

“WAS,” Fuji insisted. “And show them all how we used to do it in the old days?” Her anger suddenly melted into a gentle smile. “You were pretty good out there,” she conceded.

“Damn right.”

“But enough is enough.” Fuji stretched out her hand expectantly; a minute later, her husband reluctantly surrendered the device that allowed him to summon his alien alter-ego. “Good. And tomorrow I am going over to NERV and give that Mr. Gendo Ikari a piece of my mind. Good grief. The Science Patrol would NEVER have allowed this to go on for so long…Captain Mura must be spinning in his grave…”

Hayata closed his eyes and smiled, only half-listening to his wife’s tirade. It had felt good to get out there one more time and show them how it was done in the old days. Days when giant monsters attacked Japan and only the Science Patrol stood between them and total annihilation. The Science Patrol…and one other.

Their hero…Ultraman.

Damn straight.