This is an amateur, non-commercial story, which is not produced, approved of, or in any way sponsored by the holders of the trademarks/copyrights from which this work is derived, nor is it intended to infringe on the rights of these holders. And so it goes.

THE TOP TEN USES FOR A CATATONIC COLDSTONE

a Gargoyles top ten list by Jeff Morris

10. Combination book-end, candle-holder, or flower arrangement holder.

9. Beggar on Times Square: "I HAVE MPD AND A COMPUTER VIRUS--PLEASE HELP".

8. Ugliest damn weathervane you ever saw: "Hmmm. Which way is the window blowing, Hudson?" "Let me check Coldstone...ah. East."

7. Hat and Coat Rack for Elisa when she visits.

6. Chair warmer for Hudson during the day.

5. Broadway's perfect dinner companion ("You sure you don't want that? Well, okay, if you insist...").

4. The ultimate cable satellite dish.

3. Portable electrical outlet for Lexington.

2. Chew toy for Bronx.

AND THE NUMBER ONE USE FOR A CATATONIC COLDSTONE:

1. Future source of income for Michael Dorn!!!!